i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize