I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
