I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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