An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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