i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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