i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
