I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
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i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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