i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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