Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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