While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
