well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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