you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am one with the molecules
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
