i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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