So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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