it hurts more in the daytime
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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