I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
