just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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