im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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