You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
