OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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