I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
