GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
