you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
