i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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