Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
