I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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