he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
