just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize