i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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