we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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