but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
