There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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