u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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