is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
