Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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