Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this will be a night to untag.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
