I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
