I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
