He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
