Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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