your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
