I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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