Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
