I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
