38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
