I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
