there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
