I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
