According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
