i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
