she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
