Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
