Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
