you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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