I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
