No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
