He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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