So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
