im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
