THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
