I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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