Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
