While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
