Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
