3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
